I told y'all a couple blog posts ago that 2015 was going to be the year of forever. But this here is something y'all can learn and master for the 2016 season.
It's a little move called "The Wave & the Fall Back":
The Wave:
I understand that trying to attract the attention of women is very hard for most of you, which explains all the anguish and embarassment you go through on all of these social networks you should have deleted years ago. But in order to get the girl of your dreams, first, you must hit her with The Wave. There are three parts to the wave.
Part 1:
1. Lit Romney - the first time you see her in person, whether planned or unplanned, whether at a party or in the public, everything about you has to be classic. The way you walk, talk, how you wear your clothes (notice I didn't say "what" you wear. Buying expensive clothes is a waste of time if you don't know how to put outfits together. Actually, buying expensive clothes is a waste of time anyway). The way you carry yourself has to stand out and it starts with just being comfortable and being confident. Keep these points in mind:
- Dress differently (don't ever wear something you've seen someone else wear... ever)
- Act confidently (nothing anyone says should create any emotion inside of you)
- Walk tall
- Never be in a rush to get anywhere (even if you're late)
- Most importantly: look people in the eyes (I can't believe I have to tell people to do this but social networks have ruined the way most of you communicate)
2. Accomplishments - No matter who you are or what you do, the girl of your dreams wants to know that you have goals and you are a master of something... anything. If not she'll leave you for someone who does. This usually has nothing to do with your job or the college you go to (the richest people I've met in my life never went to college). This has everything to do with your hobbies and passions. Everyone is the best at something. Find your something. (and if your something is a video game scroll to the top of your life's web browser and click that little "x" in the corner). Once again, keep these points in mind:
- Never, ever, ever.... ever brag about yourself (accomplishments speak for themself)
- Be proud of who you are (if you're swaggiest caddy in the golf game, she should see it in your eyes)
- Keep your accomplishments away from social networks
- Keep your business away from social networks
- Keep your life away from social networks
- Last but not least: look people in the eyes (my dad used to smack the shit out of me whenever I would shake someone's hand sitting down or not look people in the eyes when I talked. I'm about to start doing the same to some of you)
3. The Number Grab - Alright so... my 2 homies at the beach (you know who you are) are gonna be tight that I'm sharing this with you but I'll take this part down from the blogspot if we get too many viewers. This right here is a fuckin' gem we've been using for years to get girls' numbers. It's very simple. And it works almost 95% of the time (I don't think it's never not worked for me but my brother like a Wayan used it the other night at The Rusty Rudder and the girl wasn't having it. I cried laughing). Very, very simple.
- After she has noticed you walk, talk, and interact with people as the Guy (*see Swaggy McPeterson ^^),
- & she has some type of insight into your accomplishments^ (if you're at a party, you better either be dancing or the DJ),
- you just walk up to her with no words, look her directly in the eyes, and hand her your phone with the number keypad screen open. Works every time if you have handled the first two parts.
- After this you can either make small talk or head directly to...
The Fall Back:
The Fall Back is something I have seen a lot of people fucking up since high school. It's really disgusting the way some of you go about attracting women, which is the reason I've seen someone get cheated on every weekend since I graduated from Caesar Rodney (the greatest high school in the state of Delaware). I understand that trying to attract the attention of women is very hard for most of you, mostly because a lot of you needed fathers growing up. Not all, but most. Once again, there are three parts to the Fall Back.
Part 1:
1. The Wait - I know a lot of your "self help" books or online dating manuals tell you rejects to start talking to a girl as soon as you get her contact info but that's weird and creepy, so relax. Just wait one whole day after you pull the "Number Grab" and text her in the morning. (So if you get the number Friday night, text her Sunday morning - Saturday night, text her Monday morning) And this is exactly what you say... trust me on this...
"Hey you, it was good seeing you the other night. I hope you didn't get into anymore trouble after I left? -Your Name"
- Okay, it may sound corny but it works EVERYTIME. (no matter if shes black, white or Asian)
- They will always respond to the text, no matter what. (unless there's a problem w/ your wave)
- It's important that you text in the morning because you don't want her to think you're a bum that sleeps in everyday (and if you do sleep in everyday, you are a bum)
- Give her sometime to respond, if she doesn't text back, hit her the next day with the "aww, am I really that awful). At that point they'll either tell you they have a boyfriend or that they forgot to text you back.
- This has only NOT worked for me one time in my life, and it was a Romanian chick I met in Ocean City who didn't know how to work her new phone. She's in love with me now.
- Don't slander any of her old flings (don't even bring up her relationship history at all brah)
2. The Conversation - Keep it short and simple. Don't send her anymore than 4-5 texts without either suggesting that you meet up again or asking what she's doing that weekend. You don't want to be her new text buddy, that's the fastest way to the friend zone. You wanna seem like you are about your business. Keep these things in mind.
- Texting sucks. Talking on the phone is better. (talking in person is the best)
- Don't text back too fast (let her breathe, more than likely there are other thirst lords in her phone falling head first into the friend zone)
- Don't share social networks (if you're like me, you don't want the girl of your dreams to have constant updates and pictures... and snapchat stories.. of your life. At least until you get your shit together)
- Make sure you bring up your passions and hobbies and ask about hers. (once again, if your passion/hobbies are video games, just turn your phone off and go play in traffic)
- No ex-boyfriend slander. At all. (no one likes this guy. grow up, plus I doubt you really want to know all the shit she's done in her past)
3. The Fall Back - This is the part that most of my peers fuck up and it's hilarious/disgusting. This is also the part where most of my homies swoop in and steal/borrow your girlfriend (not me though, that's my old bad habit). At some point in every new relationship you HAVE to give her the chance to chase you - to look a little thirsty. This is the only way you can start a respectful and two way relationship where both people feel comfortable communicating their feelings in the future. At some point after you first meet and introduce yourself to her, you've got to fall back. This means give her some time to herself. Don't answer all of her texts. (Light skinned chicks hate/love not being texted back). And if you're really wavy, my favorite move is this: text her asking 2 questions, what her favorite food is and when's the next time she's free? Then, never take her on this fictional date, or even respond to her answers... (not everyone can pull this move off though, you've gotta really be on your shit). Remember:
- If you're gonna be with this girl, you want her to know that she is her own person
- The Fall Back helps her fall in love with you more (girls love what they can't have)
- This is the time where you let her choose you, b/c you've been choosing since the start
- Make sure you don't slander anyone in the process. Spread positivity, not hate.
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You can follow whatever procedure you want when trying to attract the perfect girl, but the next time your crush tells you she's spending the weekend in Dewey and you don't hear from her for days, you're gonna wish you paid attention. Stay confident. Stay strong. And remember that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
"The Great Adventures of Lit Romney and Trashed Ketchum" coming soon to a mixtape site near you...
[late fall]
